Alabama: Foliage not of sufficient height!
Alaska: Trees too tall, but of acceptable girth.
Arizona: Trees of sufficient height and girth.
Arkansas: These trees are not the correct height nor girth!
California: Trees of sufficient height, not the correct girth. Palms may have immigrated illegally.
Colorado: Acceptable perennial woody plants.
Connecticut: Trees of acceptable height and girth, wrong coloring.
Delaware: I have insufficient data concerning the trees of Delaware.
Florida: Trees similar to California. Reminder to check immigration status of palms.
Georgia: Trees sufficient, bushes too tall.
Hawaii: Trees and bushes both up to spec.
Idaho: Trees marginal, house ferns inadequate.
Illinois: Foliage acceptable, a root vegetable gave me gas here: load vengeance program.
Indiana: Lettuces and legumes acceptable, all else unsatisfactory!
Iowa: Corn to be declared an amber grain under my administration.
Kansas: All foliage too short! Start over, Kansas.
Kentucky: Trees are correct size and volume, incorrect color.
Louisiana: The trees of Louisiana are acceptable.
Maine: These trees leak delicious edible sap!
Maryland: The trees are fine, the blackberries seem suspicious.
Massachusetts: I’ve acclimated to these trees.
Michigan: Finally.
Minnesota: The plantlife of this region seems adequate.
Mississippi: Strange fruit.
Missouri: Sometimes I think of the plants of this region. I love plants. I love the plants of this region.
Montana: I’m fond of the bushes of this area.
Nebraska: Trees not of sufficient height or girth!
Nevada: Is it cactuses or cacti? Either way, too short.
New Hampshire: I saw a dead human in the bushes one time here.
New Jersey: No plants available; only various herpes strains.
New Mexico: Incredibly similar to the flora of Old Mexico.
New York: A man in the bushes offered me oral sex. Satisfactory.
North Carolina: The wooded areas meet expectations.
North Dakota: Grass grows here mostly.
Ohio: These trees meet minimum standards!
Oklahoma: The foliage is not the right color.
Oregon: Lots of flora! Some of it actually correct!
Pennsylvania: The trees in this region were covered in precipitation when I visited them.
Rhode Island: I saw seaweed!
South Carolina: The natives mix foliage with animal protein for meals. I ate a meal here. I liked my meal.
South Dakota: These trees are similar to North Dakota’s.
Tennessee: Okra is slimy and stinks. Grits, y’all. Trees okay.
Texas: Rick Perry proposed to lick my feet here. Trees okay.
Utah: Now, Mormons know how to grow a woody plant!
Vermont: More edible sap! Sap is good on cakes from a pan!
Virginia: Trees of sufficient height and girth.
Washington: The trees of this area are absurd. Load clear-cutting program.
West Virginia: Trees too short, bushes too tall. Pandemonium.
Wisconsin: Many of the open areas smell of animal waste. I ate animals here.
Wyoming: All plantlife in this area dubious.