Today a story was released in something called “The Internet Chronicle” stating “Witnesses: Mitt Romney Masturbates on Hotel Balcony” accompanied with a blurry photograph of a nude man indeed on a balcony, and goes on in some detail to explain possible criminal charges, a quote from James Carville, condemning the MSM for ignoring the story and further states…
Analysts suggest this is the end to Romney’s campaign, and Newt Gingrich will likely take the place as front runner after Romney suspends his campaign. Representatives from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Mr. Romney’s religious denomination, released statements to the press saying they are “appalled by the bigotry” of commenters, whose “partisan desperation,” they say, has contributed to an animus to smear the candidate, 65. The release says the church is “dismayed” by crass insinuations “any morning ‘open-air’ masturbation ritual” is a “normal part of Mormon culture.”
More after the jump.
In 1972, our Publisher emeritus, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, wrote a piece of satire for Rolling Stone, eventually printed in ‘Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail’ suggesting that Presidential candidate Edmund Muskie was addicted to ibogaine, a rare, powerful hallucinogen, stating: “In retrospect however, it is easy to see why Muskie fell apart on that caboose platform in the Miami train station. It is entirely conceivable, given the known effects of ibogaine, that Muskie’s brain was almost paralyzed by hallucinations at the time…” From there it went on, spiraling in madness as you would expect. The claim was completely unfounded, but that didn’t stop those who covered the Wisconsin primaries of 1972 and those who read Thompson’s articles in Rolling Stone magazine from believing Muskie’s bizarre and fabricated addiction to be true. It ultimately ruined the candidate.
This is exactly why covering Politics isn’t nearly as much fun as it was in Hunter’s heyday. Anyone with a smart phone could fact check the R-money story and quickly see it’s not true and the website it comes from is satire. It’s easier for politicians to sell huge lies than it is to sell a small one these days. R-money will have to fail of his own very real shortcomings rather than imagined ones. We are not suggesting he does not masturbate, he probably does it in a car elevator into the leather seat Rolls Royce before calling a servant for clean up, but we’ll never know about it.