(Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images) not for buttmachineboys.com, but c'mon.

When Rick Perry isn’t busting broncs or jumping claims or whatever he does in those boots and that Hank Williams-cut tailored suit, he’s traveling the country promoting his book How to Lose an Election for Dummies or he’s taking fifth place in an Iowa corndog deepthroating contest. While he’s doing all of this flying around he takes Texas state troopers with him for security. Texas Democrats are estimating that his 48 out-of-state travel appointments this year have cost Texas 2.6 million Confederate dollars and they want it back.

Perry’s hilarious counter to the charges is that it’s somehow the frightening times we live in and not his fault at all that he’s touring the country promoting his book and Presidential candidacy. His spokesperson, Someoneyou’ve Neverheardof, said, “It’s unfortunate that we live in a day and age where security is an issue.” And followed up with, “Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies.”

That last part’s not true.